Let Them and Let Me Theory: coursework, comparison, and setbacks in teacher prep

If you’re a preservice teacher navigating coursework, studying for exams, field experiences, or student teaching, you’re not alone, and you’re not doing it wrong. Comparison, frustration, and self‑doubt can creep in fast during teacher preparation, especially when grades don’t reflect your effort or others seem to have it all together.

In this episode, we explore the Let Them and Let Me Theory by Mel Robbins’ book Let Them and apply it directly to the realities of teacher prep. From studying and failing exams to group projects, feedback, and fieldwork, this episode helps future teachers focus on what they can control, grow through challenges, and build confidence along the way.

Break it down: The Let Them / Let Me Framework

Here’s the main idea:

• Part 1 Let Them: Allow others to do what they’re going to do. You can't control what others do, think, feel, or say.

• Part 2 Let Me: Take responsibility for what you can do next

You can’t control what others think, feel, say, or do, but you can control your response. And that’s where your power is.

Let Them and Let Me Theory Situation 1: When you studied hard… and someone else didn’t

Let’s start with a scenario many of us know too well. You studied every night. You reviewed your notes, made flashcards, highlighted your textbook, made a quizlet about the topic, and you come to class, and someone casually says: “I didn’t even study.” …and they did better than you. Ugh, that hurts.

Let Them:

• Let them not study.

• Let them earn the grade they earned.

Let Me:

• Let me focus on my understanding.

• Let me try different study strategies.

• Let me visit a student success center.

• Let me explore concept maps or mind maps instead of just flashcards.

Learning is not always reflected in an A or a B. Sometimes learning shows up as a C, and that learning still matters. That quiz or assignment does not define you as a future teacher. It’s just one data point, not the whole story.

Let Them and Let Me Theory Situation 2: When you tried your best… and still failed

Maybe you didn’t just struggle, you failed. Whether it was a quiz, test, essay, or even a class. That can bring up thoughts like: “Should I even be a teacher?” Let’s pause.

Let Them:

• Let the grade be what it is.

• Let others pass.

• Let them be happy with their progress.

  
  

Let Me:

• Let me go to office hours.

• Let me ask questions.

• Let me figure out what I misunderstood and what I did well.

• Let me adjust how I study.

• Let me get support from a student success or counseling center.

You can fail an assignment or even a class and still become an incredible teacher. It helps you understand what learning feels like and that matters in your future classroom.

Let Them and Let Me Theory Situation 3: When group projects don't go according to plan

Ah, yes… group work. One or two people do all the work, the research, the writing, and the presentation, and the others don’t show up, don’t contribute, or don’t follow through. Or they just show up the night before and are ready to step in during the presentation time. So frustrating, we've all been there.

Let Them:

• Let group members choose their level of effort.

• Let them ghost you on group chat.

  
  

Let Me:

• Let me clearly communicate expectations.

• Let me define quality work.

• Let me practice professionalism.

• Let me communicate with my professor professionally if needed.

Let Them and Let Me Theory Situation 4: When comparison creeps in

There’s always someone who has everything color‑coded, turns in assignments early, answers every question confidently, and looks like they already have their own classroom. It’s easy to think: “Why don’t I have it together like that?”

Let Them:

• Let them shine.

• Let them grow in their own way.

Let Me:

• Let me grow at my own pace.

• Let me ask questions.

• Let me start where I am and move forward.

This mindset matters just as much once you’re in schools. As a preservice teacher, you are practicing. No one expects perfection.

Let Them and Let Me Theory Situation 1: When your mentor teacher teaches differently from how you would:

• Let them teach in their own style.

• Let me observe, reflect, take what works, and build my own teaching identity.

Let Them and Let Me Theory Situation 2: When feedback doesn’t feel good:

• Let them give honest, constructive, and corrective feedback.

• Let me pause, breathe, and reflect before reacting.

Let Them and Let Me Theory note guide

Let them episode note guide.pdf

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This book, Let Them by Mel Robbins, and this framework helped me rethink frustration, anxiety, and all the things that are out of my control. I’d rather spend my energy on what I can control, and I hope this helps you do the same. You are not failing, you are learning. You can take your power back. Feel your feelings. Ride that emotional wave. Then ask yourself: What do I need to let them do? What do I need to do next? And then take that next step.

Whether you’re just starting coursework, heading into student teaching, or preparing for your first classroom, this mindset can support you wherever you are in your teaching journey.